Tuesday, May 20, 2014


I am still here. Still in the hospital. And not mad....yet. I have plenty of little projects, books and TV shows/movies to fill my gaps between visitors. I am feeling very loved by all the visits and lovely messages I am receiving. Hope for Hope!

Hope is going from strength to strength. Her thrice daily fetal heart checks are reassuring and have all had the wondrous sound of a galloping horse. She moves like crazy when it suits her which makes me smile. James has been here to hear her heartbeat which he is curious about but I'm unsure what he really thinks of it. I asked him to talk to her yesterday, telling her his name and that he's her big brother. It was very sweet. I can't wait to be at home again where we can read and talk and Hope can hear us, rather than this enforced silent bubble we are in. Her ears are ready to hear our voices!

A big day tomorrow! Week 24 AND the first (of 2) of the steroid shots to help Hope's lungs along in case of premature birth. I will receive the second jab just before I go home at 28 weeks if all ist still going to plan.

Scans are now fortnightly rather than weekly. It's a relief in many ways. They are expensive. They make me very, very, VERY anxious and then exhausted afterwards. It's wonderful to know that things are going well but it's also rather anticlimactic as the only need for change would come from a bad scan. Not sure if that makes much sense, it's difficult for me to explain how it feels.

We (my little family and Dr K) are all feeling cautiously optimistic about the next few weeks.
After tomorrows jab the next really huge milestone will be 25+4 weeks - this was when James was born. To get past that will be massive. Then 28 weeks. Sometimes I daydream so hard about getting to these milestones that I get ahead of myself and think myself more pregnant than I am.

I am starting to believe that Hope will be OK. That I will be OK. That our family will be OK. I am reluctant to start Hope's bunny rug...I don't think myself superstitious usually but...I'm just not ready yet.

I am missing everyone like crazy and can't wait to be back in the thick of things on the island. I feel so well and healthy, like a woman in her second trimester should. It is infuriating to be bedded up here, so far from home. Mum and Dad are doing a great job with James and keeping on top of the washing etc.

My poor husband is running to and fro and his feet are barely touching the ground. This is a stressful time for us all and he's trying to be good at his job, a good dad, a good husband, a good son-in-law and still have time for himself. It's really not for much longer.

I must start meditating again, I was getting a lot out of it but have let it lapse so far this week. I think it will be particularly helpful in the coming months when there will no doubt be some big challenges in store for us. Today!

I will report on the steroid injection. It's not one that sticks out in my mind as particularly nasty although by the time I got it last time all kinds of other nasty things were being done to me so perhaps it's relative. I hate needles. Almost or as much as I hate spiders.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

22 + 3 , Mothers day

It is Mother's Day. I am still here, in the hospital with nothing to report except that I am still here.

Hope is growing and wriggling and kicking me. I hear her galloping heartbeat several times a day which is so very reassuring.

My mothers day brekky has just arrived. Breakfast in bed complete with white carnation. How sweet! I have treated myself to a cooked breakfast this morning. The food here is really very good with lots of variety. The vegies aren't overdone and the soups are delicious!

I saw James yesterday for the first time in 10 days. It was so good to see him, snuggle him and smell him. I've said it before - the very hardest thing about this whole bedrest palaver is being away from my family.

Mentally I think I'm holding up quite well. I am trying to stay positive despite feeling so helpless when my little boy was homesick last week. I've been here almost 2 weeks and have settled into the comforting routine of hospital life of doctors rounds and regular obs.

This pregnancy is NOT just about Hope and I ( Hope and me?). We are being supported my family and friends and relying heavily on others for help at home and with James. My sister, BIL and two girls hosted James this last week and a bit. James was in a loving and safe environment and wanted for nothing. Thank you to the big hearted Fordes who really already had enough on their plate. If and when we can ever help please just ask.

My Dr talked to me about going home at 28 weeks. We will talk more as the date, 19 June,  gets closer and I mustn't get too ahead of ourselves as there's plenty of time between now and then. It is 5 weeks and 4 days away. I have almost done a third of my term! Cup half full people! Cup half full.

I oscillate between not allowing myself to get too excited and attached to Hope and thinking that golly gosh, we could just have a baby girl at the end of it all. Whatever that end entails. I don't know the right way to think. So I try not to. But I catch my growing tummy in the mirror and I cannot ignore the facts. She is in there, and growing stronger every day.

I had lots of lovely visitors this week. And they all brought food. So much food. I have pared back my ordering from the menu to accommodate all the delicious fruit and treats my friends have given.

I was quite unwell the first week I was in here and kind of lost a few days. I had a cough that the Dr was particularly concerned about. Don't want to bust this stitch, cos that would really mean the end.

I have ordered some yarn online to make a poncho for my niece. I can't wait for it to arrive and to make a start. Want to get it done so she can wear it while the weather is good for it. Who doesn't love a poncho?

I am watching Season 2 of Downton Abbey, I've seen  it before but it's so good I'm glad to watch it again. Seasons 3 and 4 should come today. Also watching Orange is the new black which I am enjoying. Have my nose stuck in a fabulous book - thank you Dangar book club, set in North Korea. Fascinating and funny - who'd a thunk it!

So....my news is good. Things are quiet where they should be quiet. And baby is moving. I feel quite well.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

21+ 1

Well here we are. In the hospital. I was admitted after my weekly scan on Tuesday. There was no immediate danger or emergency, just an agreement between my doctor and I.

I had almost a month at home I didn't think I'd get, so I count myself as very lucky. The plan for now is to keep me in through this critical period. Dr said that if we get to 28 weeks without too much drama I might be able to go home on bed rest. That would be nice.

My cervix had lengthened from the previous scan!!!! Dynamic. Volatile. Just a few words to describe it.  The main thing is it remained closed and Hope continues to thrive.

So far in hospital I've had loads of visitors, watched some tv, done some craft and come down with an awful cold. I am coughing and sneezing. Less than ideal with this stitch so precarious.

This is tough. I am trying to stay positive. I am trying not to let my brain wander down the many paths of what ifs, but I am also holding out on false hope. It's hard to know what to think. No one has any answers for me. We don't know what's going to happen. The idea for now is to keep my cervix and uterus quiet, keep an eye on things and cross our fingers.

I hear Hope's heartbeat every morning when they take my blood pressure etc. it's very reassuring. She's still very active at different times of the day.