Tuesday, May 20, 2014


I am still here. Still in the hospital. And not mad....yet. I have plenty of little projects, books and TV shows/movies to fill my gaps between visitors. I am feeling very loved by all the visits and lovely messages I am receiving. Hope for Hope!

Hope is going from strength to strength. Her thrice daily fetal heart checks are reassuring and have all had the wondrous sound of a galloping horse. She moves like crazy when it suits her which makes me smile. James has been here to hear her heartbeat which he is curious about but I'm unsure what he really thinks of it. I asked him to talk to her yesterday, telling her his name and that he's her big brother. It was very sweet. I can't wait to be at home again where we can read and talk and Hope can hear us, rather than this enforced silent bubble we are in. Her ears are ready to hear our voices!

A big day tomorrow! Week 24 AND the first (of 2) of the steroid shots to help Hope's lungs along in case of premature birth. I will receive the second jab just before I go home at 28 weeks if all ist still going to plan.

Scans are now fortnightly rather than weekly. It's a relief in many ways. They are expensive. They make me very, very, VERY anxious and then exhausted afterwards. It's wonderful to know that things are going well but it's also rather anticlimactic as the only need for change would come from a bad scan. Not sure if that makes much sense, it's difficult for me to explain how it feels.

We (my little family and Dr K) are all feeling cautiously optimistic about the next few weeks.
After tomorrows jab the next really huge milestone will be 25+4 weeks - this was when James was born. To get past that will be massive. Then 28 weeks. Sometimes I daydream so hard about getting to these milestones that I get ahead of myself and think myself more pregnant than I am.

I am starting to believe that Hope will be OK. That I will be OK. That our family will be OK. I am reluctant to start Hope's bunny rug...I don't think myself superstitious usually but...I'm just not ready yet.

I am missing everyone like crazy and can't wait to be back in the thick of things on the island. I feel so well and healthy, like a woman in her second trimester should. It is infuriating to be bedded up here, so far from home. Mum and Dad are doing a great job with James and keeping on top of the washing etc.

My poor husband is running to and fro and his feet are barely touching the ground. This is a stressful time for us all and he's trying to be good at his job, a good dad, a good husband, a good son-in-law and still have time for himself. It's really not for much longer.

I must start meditating again, I was getting a lot out of it but have let it lapse so far this week. I think it will be particularly helpful in the coming months when there will no doubt be some big challenges in store for us. Today!

I will report on the steroid injection. It's not one that sticks out in my mind as particularly nasty although by the time I got it last time all kinds of other nasty things were being done to me so perhaps it's relative. I hate needles. Almost or as much as I hate spiders.

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